Sunday, August 31
From the JP: LIFELINES, by Yechezkel Chezi Goldberg
Despair Not, Don't Give Up: An Article For Teenagers In Distress
Dear Teens,
I want you to know that you are not alone. I want you to know that there are those of us who understand your side of the story.
We must face up to the reality that often, you kids find yourselves in situations that ard troublesome. Objectively speaking, it is not easy being a kid. After all, I remember not to long ago the trials and tribulations of my childhood and adolescence. Growing up in hard to do.
Television
In the world today, it is even hardcer in some ways. Looks at television for example. When I grew up, the worst telvesion that was available was "Gilligan's Island" and "All In the Family." When Archie Bunker called his son-in-law "Meahead," it was a scandarl. Today, that would be considered clean viewing entertainment.
Today television shows are shocking. it is even more shocking if we try to comprehend the stress that exists in the minds of teens today as they struggle to wade through all the trash and make sense of it all. Television is no longer an entertainment option. Television today invades your lives and your minds with unutterable, abominable trash. Valuable programming is rare and it is an effort to find it. Growing up is hard to do in the age of modern television.
Internet
I recently heard a rabbi who just returned from New York describe his visit to a frum family where each and every child had his own desktop computer. The fact that these people see nothing troublesome in the fact that tthey are busying expensive equipment for young children, who will obviously gorw up expecting only the best in life, is one issue of course. The central issue, however, is the statement by the father that he has no idea what his children do on the computer.
It became clear that all the children go on line and chat with their friends. According to Dad, that is the standard way that kids communicate after hours. What Dad was not aware of is the invasive nature of all sorts of dangerous elements via chat rooms. I am trying to imagine what it must be like to be an 11-year-old with complete and independent access to all and everything that the internet ahs available, and being forced to make choices by himself. on the other hand, teenagers want to be up to date and to be able to go with the flow, but on the other hand, teens are constantly faced with dangers in places like chat rooms. and everyone expects you to handles it by yourselves. Growing up is hard to do in the age of Internet.
Drugs
When I was a teen, we saw a cop "flick" where the drug addict was some strung-out heroin addict. Today, unfortunately, the person doing heroin can be the chevraman next door. Kids are offered drugs in yeshivas right under your noses. Anyone who reads the news knows that the drug dealers of yesteryear, who were these villainous thug caricuatures, have now been replacs by a whole slew of nice looking people, including avreichim.
I am trying to consider in my mind the moral corrucptness that weighs down on our children today as insiduiousness of the drug trade infests our schools and communities. Moral choices ard no longer as clear as they were when we grew up with Batman and Robin. We grew up in a world that ws much more black and white. Batman and Robin were good guys, Superman was our hero. Torah, the Batman and Robin and Superman of our life could be offering you drugs. What a crazy upside down topsy-turvy world like ours today.
Child Molestation
The prevalence of child molestation in the comunity is frightening. Many parents are shocked when they discover that the person who molested their child is a known offender that the community or "powers that be" chose to allow to remain in his position. You kids out there who have been molested have your worlds of trust blown to bits. When you finally decide to reach out for help, you often are subjected to cross-examination with the burden of proof being on you, as people suspect you of ulterior motives.
For those of you who are victims of sexual and physical abuse, it is often an agonizing process until you feel that someoen believes you. It is no wonder that so many abused kids opt to isolate themselves instead of reaching out for help. Growing up is hard to do in a world where adults are often trusted more than teens, just because of the age factor.
Xerox Generation
You are living in a "cookie cutter" generation. With all the talk about chanoch lana'ar al pi darko (educate each child according to his way), our generation is fixated on the fantasy that each child will grow up to be a gadol hador or a tzadekes. Never mind the unrealistic nature of the fantasy. Never mind the wasted efforts in trying to make each child in a Gadol. Never mind the foolishness that in any generation, each child is a born leader. What is worse is the feeling that many children receive the all or nothing feeling from their parents, schools and communities. We don't value kids who are plain and simple good kids, with good midos, colorful personalities, different interests, varied talents and skills. We don't value them, and you kids know it.
I shudden to think how hard it is for allof you to grow up in a world that wants to xerox each and every one of you into a carbon copy of some saint. I dread to think what it is like to wake up in the morning and to know that if you're a boy who does not have the makeup to sit and learn all day, or if deep down you are a girl who really does not want to marry a Rosh Kollel (the next Gadol Hador of course), that you have disappointed your parents or that you have failed as a Jew.
Each of you is a precious mold pressed and formed by G-d in his wisdom, creativity and love. No two of you could or should ever be alike. Each of you has a special neshama, your own streak of uniqueness that cannot be cloned. And yet, the world around you has lost its senses and tries to force you to fit into the cookie cutter machine. And if you don't fit into that mold, then the world are you tells you that you are the problem.
Don't Despair
Do not despair! You are understood. You are not alone. You can overcome, if you hold on and reach out for help.
I want to close with an excerpt from a letter that I recieved recently. Written by a teeenage girl who had been repeatedly sexually abused by her older brother for years, the letter is a testament that even when things are dark and gloomy, there is a reason to hold on. As Rabbi Frand put it best, avoid the Grasshopper Syndrome. Don't give up. Don't lose hope.
The following exceprt from your peer, a teenage girl, summarizes the idea of hope best. Rad the emphasized part of her letter and remember: don't despair!
To all those teens out there in sutations similar to mine, I wont judge you. Al tadin es chavercha ad shetagia limkomo. No two situations are the same, I was never in your situation, and you will never be in mine, so I won't judge you, and you can never judge me. My advice to you is, don't repeat my mistakes. Get help and tell everything! After that, the only other thing to do is to daven. Make your siddur your best friend. It is okay if your siddur has tear stains, or the pages are torn. It will make you feel better if your eally believe. If there were no G-d, you would never be able to get out of your situation!
I am signing my name, but if you use this letter Chezi, plese don't put my name.
Name Witheld Upon Request, USA
Wishing all of you that you find the light at the end of your tunnel. May your light be bright and shine with the special light that only lives inside your soul, body and mind.
Warmest,
Chezi Goldberg, Israel
Mrs. Mosquito's Guestbook
Despair Not, Don't Give Up: An Article For Teenagers In Distress
Dear Teens,
I want you to know that you are not alone. I want you to know that there are those of us who understand your side of the story.
We must face up to the reality that often, you kids find yourselves in situations that ard troublesome. Objectively speaking, it is not easy being a kid. After all, I remember not to long ago the trials and tribulations of my childhood and adolescence. Growing up in hard to do.
Television
In the world today, it is even hardcer in some ways. Looks at television for example. When I grew up, the worst telvesion that was available was "Gilligan's Island" and "All In the Family." When Archie Bunker called his son-in-law "Meahead," it was a scandarl. Today, that would be considered clean viewing entertainment.
Today television shows are shocking. it is even more shocking if we try to comprehend the stress that exists in the minds of teens today as they struggle to wade through all the trash and make sense of it all. Television is no longer an entertainment option. Television today invades your lives and your minds with unutterable, abominable trash. Valuable programming is rare and it is an effort to find it. Growing up is hard to do in the age of modern television.
Internet
I recently heard a rabbi who just returned from New York describe his visit to a frum family where each and every child had his own desktop computer. The fact that these people see nothing troublesome in the fact that tthey are busying expensive equipment for young children, who will obviously gorw up expecting only the best in life, is one issue of course. The central issue, however, is the statement by the father that he has no idea what his children do on the computer.
It became clear that all the children go on line and chat with their friends. According to Dad, that is the standard way that kids communicate after hours. What Dad was not aware of is the invasive nature of all sorts of dangerous elements via chat rooms. I am trying to imagine what it must be like to be an 11-year-old with complete and independent access to all and everything that the internet ahs available, and being forced to make choices by himself. on the other hand, teenagers want to be up to date and to be able to go with the flow, but on the other hand, teens are constantly faced with dangers in places like chat rooms. and everyone expects you to handles it by yourselves. Growing up is hard to do in the age of Internet.
Drugs
When I was a teen, we saw a cop "flick" where the drug addict was some strung-out heroin addict. Today, unfortunately, the person doing heroin can be the chevraman next door. Kids are offered drugs in yeshivas right under your noses. Anyone who reads the news knows that the drug dealers of yesteryear, who were these villainous thug caricuatures, have now been replacs by a whole slew of nice looking people, including avreichim.
I am trying to consider in my mind the moral corrucptness that weighs down on our children today as insiduiousness of the drug trade infests our schools and communities. Moral choices ard no longer as clear as they were when we grew up with Batman and Robin. We grew up in a world that ws much more black and white. Batman and Robin were good guys, Superman was our hero. Torah, the Batman and Robin and Superman of our life could be offering you drugs. What a crazy upside down topsy-turvy world like ours today.
Child Molestation
The prevalence of child molestation in the comunity is frightening. Many parents are shocked when they discover that the person who molested their child is a known offender that the community or "powers that be" chose to allow to remain in his position. You kids out there who have been molested have your worlds of trust blown to bits. When you finally decide to reach out for help, you often are subjected to cross-examination with the burden of proof being on you, as people suspect you of ulterior motives.
For those of you who are victims of sexual and physical abuse, it is often an agonizing process until you feel that someoen believes you. It is no wonder that so many abused kids opt to isolate themselves instead of reaching out for help. Growing up is hard to do in a world where adults are often trusted more than teens, just because of the age factor.
Xerox Generation
You are living in a "cookie cutter" generation. With all the talk about chanoch lana'ar al pi darko (educate each child according to his way), our generation is fixated on the fantasy that each child will grow up to be a gadol hador or a tzadekes. Never mind the unrealistic nature of the fantasy. Never mind the wasted efforts in trying to make each child in a Gadol. Never mind the foolishness that in any generation, each child is a born leader. What is worse is the feeling that many children receive the all or nothing feeling from their parents, schools and communities. We don't value kids who are plain and simple good kids, with good midos, colorful personalities, different interests, varied talents and skills. We don't value them, and you kids know it.
I shudden to think how hard it is for allof you to grow up in a world that wants to xerox each and every one of you into a carbon copy of some saint. I dread to think what it is like to wake up in the morning and to know that if you're a boy who does not have the makeup to sit and learn all day, or if deep down you are a girl who really does not want to marry a Rosh Kollel (the next Gadol Hador of course), that you have disappointed your parents or that you have failed as a Jew.
Each of you is a precious mold pressed and formed by G-d in his wisdom, creativity and love. No two of you could or should ever be alike. Each of you has a special neshama, your own streak of uniqueness that cannot be cloned. And yet, the world around you has lost its senses and tries to force you to fit into the cookie cutter machine. And if you don't fit into that mold, then the world are you tells you that you are the problem.
Don't Despair
Do not despair! You are understood. You are not alone. You can overcome, if you hold on and reach out for help.
I want to close with an excerpt from a letter that I recieved recently. Written by a teeenage girl who had been repeatedly sexually abused by her older brother for years, the letter is a testament that even when things are dark and gloomy, there is a reason to hold on. As Rabbi Frand put it best, avoid the Grasshopper Syndrome. Don't give up. Don't lose hope.
The following exceprt from your peer, a teenage girl, summarizes the idea of hope best. Rad the emphasized part of her letter and remember: don't despair!
To all those teens out there in sutations similar to mine, I wont judge you. Al tadin es chavercha ad shetagia limkomo. No two situations are the same, I was never in your situation, and you will never be in mine, so I won't judge you, and you can never judge me. My advice to you is, don't repeat my mistakes. Get help and tell everything! After that, the only other thing to do is to daven. Make your siddur your best friend. It is okay if your siddur has tear stains, or the pages are torn. It will make you feel better if your eally believe. If there were no G-d, you would never be able to get out of your situation!
I am signing my name, but if you use this letter Chezi, plese don't put my name.
Name Witheld Upon Request, USA
Wishing all of you that you find the light at the end of your tunnel. May your light be bright and shine with the special light that only lives inside your soul, body and mind.
Warmest,
Chezi Goldberg, Israel
Mrs. Mosquito's Guestbook
Monday, August 25
Dating Horror-Stories on the Web
By: Q!SAT
While reading a little-read, but nevertheless genuine, website, I chanced upon a dating story that sounded a little too familiar. The writer, newly married, had been writing a saga of her dating experiences and experiences of guys she set up too. The story in question, was portrayed in a way not too pretty, and was indeed, about my husband.
How many of you newlyweds posted dating horror-stories? How many of you who AREN’T married yet, STILL posted dating stories? The web is a public place. Do people ever dream that one day, the husband/wife/sister/brother/mother/father or some relative or other of the person involved will read it and think...”Hey, that story is awfully familiar....”?
Stories such as these often are similar, but some are precisely unique, and therefore are undisputably about the parties involved......Some may want to read about themselves. Others may not.
It’s not that I think less of my husband because of the story. In fact, I knew it already, because he told me about it. In truth, I just feel bad. After all, I knew HIS viewpoints on the story, and empathized with him all along.....when he found out about this posting on the web, he was really embarrassed though, because he came out looking all wrong.
However, what if a kallah or chosson read it? Such people are far more insecure about the person they intend to marry. Such a story obviously posted about their intended could really send them over the edge - in the opposite direction. Would you want to be responsible for the breaking of a shidduch? Oh, don’t go arguing with me that it was bashert anyway for this to happen. How do YOU know that the two of them are languishing single at 30 because of what was done? I’m not exaggerating...this could very well happen.
Please, you can say from here to tomorrow that it’s not lashon hara because you changed the names and all. And truthfully, it probably isn’t. However, you never know how far it can go, and may hurt someone one day.
Please, do think before posting ANY story on the web. Change some details, anything to contort the obvious identities involved. Most importantly, dating horror-stories should be concealed a little more, because that can come out far more.
About the author of this ‘saga’, yes, he/she may very well be reading this. And if so, I apologize. I didn’t intend to hurt you, and am not offended at all. Neither is my husband. Please, if I have a right to ask, do forgive me...
Note to everyone and most importantly, to myself: The Web is a public place. Remember that.
Sign Q!SAT's Guestbook .
Sign Mrs. Mosquito's Guestbook
By: Q!SAT
While reading a little-read, but nevertheless genuine, website, I chanced upon a dating story that sounded a little too familiar. The writer, newly married, had been writing a saga of her dating experiences and experiences of guys she set up too. The story in question, was portrayed in a way not too pretty, and was indeed, about my husband.
How many of you newlyweds posted dating horror-stories? How many of you who AREN’T married yet, STILL posted dating stories? The web is a public place. Do people ever dream that one day, the husband/wife/sister/brother/mother/father or some relative or other of the person involved will read it and think...”Hey, that story is awfully familiar....”?
Stories such as these often are similar, but some are precisely unique, and therefore are undisputably about the parties involved......Some may want to read about themselves. Others may not.
It’s not that I think less of my husband because of the story. In fact, I knew it already, because he told me about it. In truth, I just feel bad. After all, I knew HIS viewpoints on the story, and empathized with him all along.....when he found out about this posting on the web, he was really embarrassed though, because he came out looking all wrong.
However, what if a kallah or chosson read it? Such people are far more insecure about the person they intend to marry. Such a story obviously posted about their intended could really send them over the edge - in the opposite direction. Would you want to be responsible for the breaking of a shidduch? Oh, don’t go arguing with me that it was bashert anyway for this to happen. How do YOU know that the two of them are languishing single at 30 because of what was done? I’m not exaggerating...this could very well happen.
Please, you can say from here to tomorrow that it’s not lashon hara because you changed the names and all. And truthfully, it probably isn’t. However, you never know how far it can go, and may hurt someone one day.
Please, do think before posting ANY story on the web. Change some details, anything to contort the obvious identities involved. Most importantly, dating horror-stories should be concealed a little more, because that can come out far more.
About the author of this ‘saga’, yes, he/she may very well be reading this. And if so, I apologize. I didn’t intend to hurt you, and am not offended at all. Neither is my husband. Please, if I have a right to ask, do forgive me...
Note to everyone and most importantly, to myself: The Web is a public place. Remember that.
Sign Q!SAT's Guestbook .
Sign Mrs. Mosquito's Guestbook
Thursday, August 21
Someone recently asked me it I was a certain 'other' blogger. That's the 3rd hocker they've thought I've been...
Here in the world of spider's web (did I get something wrong there?), identities are changing every day....
Getting married might mean a change of name to one person.
It might mean a change of identity to another.
Is online life "real" life? When I speak online with a certain non-hocker and she says she spoke with her "real" friends, does that mean an online friend is not a "real" friend?
How does a person identify her/himself in terms of an online personality?
Does it sound like the "real" you? Are you different online and in person?
I'm curious what people think about this.... Give your own life experiences and that of others.
Here in the world of spider's web (did I get something wrong there?), identities are changing every day....
Getting married might mean a change of name to one person.
It might mean a change of identity to another.
Is online life "real" life? When I speak online with a certain non-hocker and she says she spoke with her "real" friends, does that mean an online friend is not a "real" friend?
How does a person identify her/himself in terms of an online personality?
Does it sound like the "real" you? Are you different online and in person?
I'm curious what people think about this.... Give your own life experiences and that of others.
Wednesday, August 13
I decided to check in.
I couldn't believe hockersinc closed. But it reopened (with a new name) before I even knew it closed! Good fortune I had not having the tza'ar. ;)
Anyhow, although I'm "retired" I have decided to do a "test post" to see if anyone's reading this, now that some people are back.
So....Helloooooo????? Anybody there?
Besides Gishmak, that is. :)
Sign My Guestbook.
I couldn't believe hockersinc closed. But it reopened (with a new name) before I even knew it closed! Good fortune I had not having the tza'ar. ;)
Anyhow, although I'm "retired" I have decided to do a "test post" to see if anyone's reading this, now that some people are back.
So....Helloooooo????? Anybody there?
Besides Gishmak, that is. :)
Sign My Guestbook.
